Fun Resumes

Harold Berkmeyer badguy42@evilempire.gov

Summary
Highly motivated, morally unencumbered starship Captain looking to climb the military chain of command. Willing to do anything to get ahead. No ability to see the big picture. The kind of guy that Death Lords point toward a planet and say “Go decimate the population.”

Accomplishments
• Graduated from the “Minion to Dominator” Masters Degree program with honors
• Successfully assassinated the Captain of the starship Conquerer, becoming Acting Captain. During this period our ship destroyed 47 Rebel star fighters, three non-aligned cruisers, two unarmed merchant ships and a partridge in a pear tree.
• Motivated the engineering crew to increase the Conquerer’s cruising speed by restarting the FTL engines with the Chief Engineer in the combustion chamber.

Skills
• Pan-galactic interrogation techniques
• Stellar navigation
• Marksman – Imperial handguns, assault rifles and quad-laser anti-ship guns
• Taking/Photoshopping compromising pictures of outranking officers
• Fingerpainting

Job History
• Acting Captain, Imperial Battleship “Conquerer”
• Executive Officer, Imperial Battleship “Conquerer”
• Shuttle Pilot, Imperial Shuttle “Getcha There”
• Flight Deck Waste Engineer, Imperial Destroyer “Fearnaught”
• Cafeteria SOS server, Imperial Destroyer “Fearnaught”

Salary Requirements
• Governance of a small moon
• 100,000,000 Imperial credits/year
• Puppies!


Princess Arianarella icpoorpeople@daddyskingdom.com

Summary
Grew up in Daddy’s castle where everyone but Mom and Daddy is a servant. Willing to do whatever I want to whenever I want to.

Accomplishments
Kissed Daddy on the cheek and got a pony.
Kissed Daddy on the cheek and got an emerald necklace.
Kissed Daddy on the cheek and got a new tiara.
Convinced seven nannies and nine tutors to retire or flee the Kingdom.
Avoided marriage proposals from four different Princes.

Skills
World-class tantrums
Tears on demand
Hits high notes that only a dog could hear while singing in the forest
Switching between hair styles in the blink of an eye
Judging everyone by their looks
Picking the poisoned apple out of the basket every time
Not recognizing the bad guy even when he/she is right in front of me

Job History
N/A

Salary Requirements
Daddy’s treasury

 

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